


Blue Ocean Blue

by leonpaladin



Series: In The Middle (NaMon/PangWave One Shots) [5]
Category: Midyear, NaMon - Fandom, นักเรียนพลังกิฟต์ | The Gifted (TV 2018), นักเรียนพลังกิฟต์ | The Gifted (TV 2018) RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:20:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28625610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonpaladin/pseuds/leonpaladin
Summary: This fic was inspired by the song "O2" by Kim Junmyeon (Suho of EXO) and Tay Tawan's IG story and posts of NaMon together at the beach for an entire day back in October 2020
Relationships: Nanon Korapat Kirdpan/Chimon Wachirawit Ruangwiwat
Series: In The Middle (NaMon/PangWave One Shots) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033809
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Blue Ocean Blue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the song "O2" by Kim Junmyeon (Suho of EXO) and Tay Tawan's IG story and posts of NaMon together at the beach for an entire day back in October 2020

_"What am I to you?"_

When a soul is created, when the elements of the cosmos meld into an immortal spirit, it is by the laws of the universe that it immediately splits itself in half. The two pieces of a soul go to the different bodies of two different people. Two halves of a whole. When that person is born, they have their entire lifetime the mysterious urge to find their other half. Some live through their short, mortal lives never finding it.

But some do.

The light sway of the bus woke Nanon up.

Everything was quiet except for the drone of the air conditioning and the muffled sound of passing cars outside. His eyes cracked open, adjusting to the sunlight peering through the wide windows. They left while it was still dark and by the time he woke up, the beach was almost in sight. By instinct, his hand gravitated to his phone, fingers having a mind of their own. And before his full consciousness could even come to life, he was already on Twitter, scrolling mindlessly without paying any attention to what was on screen. A tiny part of him wanted to go back to sleep but Nanon forced himself to stay awake.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Tay Tawan was peering at him from the seat in front of him with a sweet smile. "How's your nap?"

"It's fine, I guess, P'Tay," Nanon said.

"Ouch."

"What? What's wrong, phi?"

"C'mon, nong, don't call me that.”

Nanon's eyes widened, a slight blush creeping up on his skin. "I'm not calling you that, phi!"

"You wound me, Nanon," said Tay with a pout. "Pluem and Frank call me _phaw_."

Nanon sighed, dropping his phone on his lap. With their managers around them, he still feels a little awkward when Tay tries to act all fatherly to him. "Phi...please..."

"Oh, alright." Tay ruffled Nanon's hair. "If you're really that uncomfortable with it, nong, then I'll stop insisting."

As Tay sat back down on his seat, Nanon suddenly felt a little torn.

He liked having Tay around. He's funny and thoughtful and very smart. It's just that he wasn't feeling the whole family thing the internet and the fans have been insisting on them. His mom said there was nothing to worry about but Nanon can't help but wonder if his seniors were just being nice because of these imagined family dynamics or if they genuinely cared for them.

He couldn't stop thinking about it. It was wrong to distrust everything someone else does but as he rose in fame, the more Nanon wonders which of the interactions he had were genuine and which were fake. And he feels bad whenever he questions other people's actions, especially Tay who has been trying his best to be a supportive person to his younger colleagues.

"Earth to Nanon."

Off Jumpol was staring at him from the seat across from him. He seemed to be offering him some of the food but Nanon was too quickly pulled away from his thoughts that his response time was slightly delayed. He stared back at Off before realizing that Off was telling him to get some of the chips.

"Sorry, phi." Nanon grabbed a small amount of chips and retracted back to his seat. "Thanks."

"You okay?" asked Off.

"Just fine, phi. A little sleepy I guess."

"Not a morning person, huh?"

"Not really."

Then the conversation would end there. It was something Nanon was thankful for about Off. He's loud and noisy but he understands when it's time to stop talking. His other phis were much more cuddly and loves to talk to him, loves to baby him. He _is_ the youngest after all. _Youngest of three_. Maybe that's why they all dote at him all the time.

Nanon returned his attention to his phone, opening up Instagram and began taking a video. He lifted up his phone above his head and...there he is. Chimon. Lovely Chimon who was unaware at first that Nanon was taking a video of him but smirked at the video when he saw Nanon's phone floating above his seat.

"You better not be posting that," said Chimon as Nanon retracted his hand and began to type Chimon's username to tag him on the Instagram story.

"What if I already did?" said Nanon, immediately posting the video in case Chimon tried to delete it.

Chimon stood up from his seat, walked over to Nanon, and pounced at him, straddling the younger but taller boy and poking his cheeks. "Delete that video, Nanon. That was for your eyes only!"

"Get off me!! Ah!! Phi, get off!!" yelled Nanon, overacting.

"Not until—" Chimon pinched Nanon's cheeks "—you—" _pinch_ again "—delete—" _pinch, pinch, pinch_ "—that video!"

Off decided to slap Chimon from behind. "Chimon, get off of him," he said sternly.

"But—"

"Get off. Now."

Chimon pouted and poked Nanon's cheeks one last time as he got off of him. Before leaving Nanon's seat, however, he placed a kiss over the younger boy's forehead, teetering back to his seat happily upon seeing Nanon's surprised expression.

Off went back to eating his chips and watching his video. Nanon touched the skin on his forehead where Chimon kissed him, and he suddenly felt hot all over. _No, not now._

Nanon shakily sighed and turned his head towards the window. The ocean was shimmering and he could see the waves crashing against the shore. He could almost taste the salty air, enough to make him forget that Chimon kissed him a minute ago.

***

The beach was a sight for sore eyes. After finishing their morning shoot of doing some water sports, Nanon was already letting the waves lick at his feet, feeling the coarseness of the sand tickle his senses. The ocean breeze greeted him like an old friend, the wet suit that clung to him like a second skin sucked in the coldness of the passing wind and making him shiver a little bit. The crashing waves were like roaring calmness that soothed his every worry. As he tried to escape into the bliss of the open blue, drown in its watery euphoria, reality kept on pulling him back as he felt someone climb onto his back and wrap themselves around him.

The scent already was a dead giveaway but ever more so was that laughter placed so near his ear that Nanon feared he had already began to turn red all over.

"You've been really quiet today," said Chimon.

"What are you talking about? We were jet skiing just a few minutes ago," Nanon replied, balancing his weight on the wet sand so they won't stumble backwards. Chimon wouldn't hold still and was clinging tightly. If Nanon was struggling to act fine, he tried hard not to show it. "I bet P'Tay had taken lots of pictures by now. I'm okay, phi. See?" Nanon forced a smile—the one he did for the cameras as well. "Nothing's wrong."

Nanon felt Chimon's smile on the shell of his ear. " _Liar_." The single word sent a shiver down his skin. "C'mon, Nanon, you can tell me anything. What are friends for?"

A tightened chest replaced the shiver. Friends. _Just friends_. Nanon wished the ocean would swallow him whole, for the sand to sink him down into a bottomless pit. He was asking them to take him away from this place, away from what he felt, away from _him_.

"Not this one," said Nanon.

"Why not?"

_Because it's about you._

"I'm hungry."

"You can't tell me because you're hungry?" Chimon chuckled. "So you'll tell me after we eat?"

Nanon closed his eyes. This was becoming too much to bear.

Chimon jumped off of him. "Hey, are you angry about what I did on the bus?"

"No, phi... Of course not."

"Then why aren't you talking normally with me?"

"I _am_ talking with you normally."

"No, you're not." Chimon wrapped his arms around Nanon and hung his head over Nanon's shoulder. "Why don't you wanna tell me what's wrong? You can trust me. I won't judge, I promise."

Feeling Chimon's warm breath over his neck sent shivers down Nanon's skin. His heart raced faster, thudding hard against his chest. "Phi...I—"

"Guys!" Sing came running towards them, waving his arms with a smile. "It's time to eat!"

They had lunch—and it was just as unbearable as the morning.

After changing back to their normal clothing, they ate at a table together. But all the food could not distract Nanon from the words echoing in his head at that moment. He couldn't even bear glance at Chimon, which was weird. He almost had no problems at all looking at his friend even if he was harboring feelings for him. Isn't that what it takes to be in love? You can't help stare at them, you want them to be by your side. Their presence makes you happy and it energizes you. Yet, why is it now that today, being with Chimon seemed to be sucking the life out of Nanon? Why does it make him wanna run away from Chimon? Why was there suddenly fear?

"You're barely eating anything," said Tay in his fatherly voice.

"I'm not really hungry, phi," said Nanon.

"Are you okay?" Tay tried to talk lowly, minding that there were cameras lurking and filming them. "Do you want me to—"

"I don't need your help," Nanon snapped, and he instantly regretted it. "Phi, that's not—"

Tay brushed him off with a smile. "It's okay, nong. I get it."

Everyone at the table was staring at him, colleagues and crew members alike were equally surprised at his sudden outburst. But it was Chimon’s worried stare that made him jump out of his seat and rush away, feet scampering without even looking back. What was happening to him? The sea and the sunrise have cast a strange spell on him. He felt heavy, cold… He felt alone and embarrassed. Nanon wondered what the others were probably thinking—they’re probably talking about him. The thought of them hunched together with inaudible whispers and judging eyes made him want to throw up. He didn’t know where he was going, aimlessly traversing the dirt path that led into a secluded garden in the middle of the resort. He could still hear the ocean, its hollow waves crashing to the shore were beckoning him to drown himself into the endless blue and let the sea fill his lungs and drag out of him the tainted breath and feeling that was churning inside him.

“Non,” the soft voice called behind him. It sent chills down his spine. The ghost he was running from had followed him silently into this green hideaway with nowhere else to run. “Tell me what’s wrong, please…”

Nanon felt his hands tremble as he forced himself to turn around. Chimon was standing a few steps from him. He looked tinier than usual, than a few minutes ago. The shadows of the overhead foliage of trees were casting dancing greys over Chimon’s lighter skin. He _definitely_ looked like a ghost now—a specter that will probably haunt Nanon for the rest of his life.

Unless he lets go of the things that were pent up inside.

“I—I can’t,” whispered Nanon, fearing every word that he said, scared that something might slip out before he was ready to do say it. “I’m sorry.”

Chimon stepped forward, Nanon took a step back. It seemed to have irritated Chimon a bit, causing him to swiftly grab on to Nanon’s wrist. Struggle as he might, Chimon was already a few inches from him. He looked bigger now, more real and solid than a ghost.

“Don’t give me that shit,” said Chimon. “I’ve been going easy on you but I can see now that this is something serious. You think I don’t notice, when you pull away from me? The small grimaces your lips make when someone tries to get close? When _I_ touch you?” The grip Chimon had on Nanon’s wrist loosened. “I’m…I’m not dumb, Nanon. I’m just patient. But right now, I’m _im_ patient. Tell me, please, don’t keep this inside. Don’t you know these things, bottled up, can kill you?”

Nanon did not answer.

Chimon leaned closer—closer than Nanon would have wanted to keep the blush and chill hidden in the shadows of the trees. He could smell Chimon, could see his piercing gaze even when there were shadows. “What am I to you?” the smaller boy whispered, their breaths gently mingling.

Closer…closer…closer…

“A friend,” said Nanon quietly.

“Nothing else?”

“Please stop.”

“Am I nothing else, Nanon?”

“Yes, you’re nothing else.”

“Really?”

“ _Yes_.”

“Kiss me then.”

“W-What?”

“Kiss me, and then tell me you don’t feel anything.”

“You’re _fucking_ insane—”

Chimon grabbed Nanon by the neck and pulled him down, locking their lips together. It was strangely not the first kiss with Chimon he fantasized about. There was shock in his part, and he could feel the roughness of how Chimon smashed their lips into each other. No gentleness, no innocence—one impatient, the other scared and confused. Still, Nanon’s fingers found themselves on Chimon’s waist, pulling their bodies ever closer. Nanon’s mind was whirring but his own body was acting out a will of its own. It craved the warmth, the desire to have a taste, the need to feel something he’s been wanting for so long. It was no longer a dream, not a dark secret. Chimon’s tongue was slipping into his mouth, mingling with his own. Chimon’s hands were grasping hard on his hair, groaning with every movement that they made. Chimon was pushing himself onto him. Chimon. Chimon. Chimon. Chimon—everything was suddenly enveloped by that teenage crush, that cruel want, that carnal desire bubbling in his blood.

Chimon wanted him too—

—and yet why did Nanon still feel a tinge of loneliness, of fear?

It was when Chimon pulled away from him—hearing that small gasp of his—that Nanon realized there were tears flowing down his cheeks. Soft hands tried to wipe those salty trickles away and soft eyes looked at him. Gone was the heat, the fervor. Whatever spirit possessed them moments before was dispelled by Nanon’s tears.

“It’s okay if you’re not ready for this yet,” Chimon murmured. “I’m sorry. I think I pushed you too hard. But…I just wanna know, Non. So please, for my own sanity, tell me. What am I to you?”

The truth was fighting its way from the depths, to reach the surface of the blue, blue ocean of Nanon’s heart. Rather than a giant whale surging up the waves, it was an ocean breeze that barely swayed the beachfront flowers. And yet for every word that came out, a piece of the weight choking his neck chipped away.

“Someone I love,” Nanon answered, “but also someone I feel like I don’t deserve to have.”

Chimon shushed him.

“Stop looking down on yourself.” Chimon kissed the tip of his nose. “Don’t let the fear win. Everyone will be here beside you. _I’ll_ be here beside you. Don’t keep it in. We’re all here to listen, to sail with you through the storms. Remember that, okay?”

Nanon nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“There you two are.” Tay walked into the garden. Nanon pulled away from Chimon. “Off and I were looking all over. Are you okay?”

“I’m…okay,” said Nanon. “I’m sorry about what I said, phi, I didn’t—”

Then, he felt Tay’s warm embrace enveloping him. He smelled like the sea, like comfort, like home. Tay’s hand gently brushed over Nanon’s hair, stroking it. “I understand,” said Tay, and somehow those two words were like keys to a dam of emotions. Nanon started to cry again, burying his face on Tay’s shoulder. His trembling were met with Tay’s soft strokes and paternal hushes. Tay held him tight for what felt like forever and then he pulled away, leveling his eyes with Nanon.

“The world will not always be roses,” said Tay. “But keep on fighting, yeah? I’m not gonna ask anymore the specifics. I’ll just tell you that I’ll be right by your side, okay?”

Nanon nodded quietly. “Okay…” a soft smile emerged from his lips, “ _phaw_.”

Tay ruffled Nanon’s hair and slung an arm over his shoulder. “Let’s head back. The crew is probably worried sick about you.”

The rest of the afternoon went on without a hitch. They rode on jet skis, the ocean wind rushing past Nanon’s body while Chimon clung close to him. To hear his laughter was enough to make Nanon happy. In that brief moment away from shore, it was just the two of them gliding through the waves. When they came to shore, Tay was sitting on the beach, casually taking photos of them and Off who was waddling by the shallow waters.

When the night approached and everyone was packing up, Nanon found Chimon sitting by the waves, looking at the deep blue of the ocean. He sat down beside him. Noticing Chimon’s free hand, Nanon took up the courage to reach and hold it. Chimon glanced at him and smiled.

“Thank you for today,” said Nanon.

“Anytime,” said Chimon, squeezing tightly on Nanon’s hand. “You’ll always have me.”

“Like oxygen?”

Chimon chuckled. “Yeah, like oxygen in an endless blue.”

As the night deepened, the black waves broke by their feet buried in the sand. Silence, lest the waves and muffled sounds of beach life, engulfed them in that frozen moment.

“I heard from P’Ssing you were writing a song,” said Chimon.

“He told you, huh?”

“I persuaded him.”

Nanon raised an eyebrow.

“Can you sing it for me?” said Chimon.

“If I sing it to you, then I won’t release it.”

“Aww, c’mon, please?”

“How about another song?”

Chimon leaned and laid his head on Nanon’s shoulder. “Just sing me something, Non. Wanna hear your voice…”

Everything felt like a dream, everlastingly fluttering in his line of sight and dancing on the colors of the sea. He inhaled the salty air and closed his eyes, letting the words of the song flowing from the collapsing sandcastle in his mind fill the silence.

_Come and take me_

_Breathe life into my endless void_

_So I can float again_

_I want to feel you_

_I’m empty, save me_

_Bring me back like oxygen_

_Color me blue, ocean blue_

_Hold me close, kiss me hard_

_In my dreams, I see you_

_For now, crash your waves on me_

_Let me feel your love_

_I’m a sandcastle by the ocean_

_Crumbling to the angry waves_

_Be my ocean wall_

_Come and take me_

_I’m helpless, save me_

_Bring me back like oxygen_

_Color me blue, ocean blue_

_Hold me close, kiss me hard_

_In my dreams, I see you_

_For now, crash your waves on me_

_Let me feel your love_

_Show me your everything_

_Hurry and take me_

_Before the black waves pull me_

_Before I stop waking_

_From this dream of you…_

When Nanon opened his eyes, Chimon was staring intently at him. Before any questions were raised, their lips locked. Like the crashing waves on the sandcastle, Chimon wrapped himself around Nanon as their kiss deepened. They plunged into an ocean of just the two of them and everything else around them dissolved.

“I don’t want to wake up from this dream,” whispered Nanon.

“It’s not a dream,” said Chimon.

They say when the universe was born, there were two immortal spirits—twin lovers—that were brought forth from the void. They were reborn every now and then, each affecting the other, each always finding one another. Two halves of a whole. Like the moon and the ocean. Tidal forces pushed and pulled in a never-ending dance spent through lifetimes and even eons. Eternally together, eternally enough.

On that evening, two pieces of a soul joined together and the dance commenced once more.

Like how the moon pulls at the ocean.

Like how the waves crash onto the shore.


End file.
